foolish..

hmmm...

as what i guess people.. i'll get down by today.. n it's sooo true... i knew..
what i did was so wrong people.. i knew it.. u guys wanna me to defense maself.. say somethin.. but i am not gud at words..not at all.. n i admit.. plus.. nothn much i could say too...

i was found in a very raw guilty..i mean, 'guilt'ies.. yah.. i am bad.. people are kind..

When i thnk back.. i keep myself in deep silent.. just to think back.. why i did those silly thngs.. i was a dumbass tho~ but believe me.. sometimes.. it came unintentionally.. and it was just hard for me to take the canoe back..

i am a F.O.O.L..

yeah.. even my neighbor would say that.. that's one of the key point on why i did those shits..
thnk back people..sometimes, i think, i am not valued.. i am not valued at all.. and i knew it.. people keep seein me as the weak sucker.. as the asshole..
when doing a homework for instance.. i might be the last person that people could rely on.. because of wat people? because i am STUPID..

i am a D.O.G..

haha.. this one is kinda funny.. but the truth is always lyin' behind of it..
"why? i am not that respected?" i keep askin maself.. but mybe.. a dog like me would not that worthy to be respected.. people are so easily get mad at me..yell at me.. but i keep on silent..
because.. i love those persons..
Plus, i am a dumb too.. that's y people cant stnd on me.. n those answers succesfully made me silent.. n continue on living..

A foolish like me wanna grab a lil bit of attention.. a lil bit of care..

hahaha... sometimes.. i keep on writing those unnecessaries on my status.. i noe.. some people were annoyed with that.. and they wud ask me.. " did u realy2 need to tell the world in all of the things?"
n again.. i'll silent.. n silent.. yeah.. y i wanna write those things?
people.. i just wnna grab some attention.. hahah.. i am so pathetic .. sometimes.. i just thnk that.. no one does care about me.. as i tried so hard to care about other people..
I swear to god.. when i treat those people in a good way..i treat people sincerely.. i never ask for them to repay back.. never..
but sometimes.. this "heart" wud be easily get hurt.. If the person she thinks she close to.. the person she thinks she really care about.. keep on saying other's kindnesses.. keep on feelin guilty on other..
and when people said, "if u feel so guilty on him.. how about her?"
that's the moment i am on that hurt..
yeah i noe.. i'll always followin.. no matter wat happened.. because.. i have no one else..
thus, again.. i keep on silent.. and said to maself.. "he was bein nice to her"..
" i am not that gud enough, y i do feel all these shits?"

i love u guys.. i swear to god.. i noe.. i am nothin.. i did those shits.. again and again..
i dunno y.. i keep on doin it.. ive tried.. ive tried so hard tho..

People..
i know.. i will be the last person to be chosen.. if u guys have another person that can keep on the company... because i am nothn at all..

but just bear in mind.. this piece of heart.. will always stay in silence.. i love y'all..
and i am not lying on this words..

Me? Who? Why?

Holiday... wud be the most exciting day... indeed, it can be the most boring day to get thru..
Same with me.. afta cuti- cuti malaysia at pantai timur.. im becoming a loner again.. so boring.. mom n dad goin out workin... me spendig tyme with my maid.. thanks to mak tim.. at least.. i've someone to chat with.
layin' on my bed.. chattin... facebooking.. u tubing.. thn fell asleep again.. aiyyooo.. so lazy..
then, i will reach anything i cud.. n start reading.. if the material wont be able to attach me to it.. i'll juz throw it away...
Ya, i'll watch tv n maybe play the PSII.. but same channels.. same programs.. same games..
so.. bored again...
walkin back to my room.. sittin on my bed.. controlling the air cond temperature... 16 to 25.. 25 to 16 again... then fix it to 21...
Gosh! what am I doin??? Wastin my tyme?
me.. keep quiet... not even a sound came out from my mouth...
n juz keep thinkin..
why i owez strollin around the hospital?
stayin at the bus stop until 2 am?
really2 want to face the ghosts?
watch all the thrillers?
why?

i knew it..
for eventually i found it...
me... is a logic based person..
findin solution juz thru the logic thoughts..
not via the experiences..
n... me is still searching for some experiences..
that can sail me up..
to the peak of maturity...

I realized one thing...
life isnt as easy as we thought..
There are many things that we havent known..
and gain the knowledge of life thru experiences..
some of it are logic.. n some of it might be illogical..
but the truth are always behind all of it..
once u got it..
the experiences may lead u to the maturity...
n its priceless..

But...

From where an we get the maturity?

If there's no environment for us to catch it

from where can we get the logic thoughts?

If there's no brain.. no mind to let us think

frm where can we taste the experiences?

If there's no WE to experience it..

Who lead to ALL THIS?

Know The Almighty..
The Creator...
The God of u..
and u'll be calm n peace...
because... u know... the truth of the real life..

Thank u.. ya Allah..

I've juz started..

This is my 2nd blog afta the one i had in frenster.. I like to write but to share.. hmmmm..
maybe i'll think it twice before i'll share anything..
hahaha...
so.. now.. i'll be the next blogger girl.. since im so free, staying at home... counting 4 the day to come!